Some funny stuff by David Gerstl when he was Donut Czar
It's donut day!
The information content of donut hour posts has fallen below 0.
Reading this post will actually kill perfectly good brain cells.
Today's donut hour will take place in The Pit (as usual) at 3pm
Our host today is Donna Albertus.
Thanx for signing up =-}.
The semester is almost over. As soon as all the spaces
are filled I will post the summer schedule.
In honor of our Donut host I thought I could point out some
of the more interesting Donut related books acquired by the
library recently (with my comments):
QA76.58.H83 1993
Compiling Parallel Loops for High Performance Computers.
Hudak, David E.; Abraham, Santosh G.
Kluwer Academic
1993
Comments:The `Parallel Loops' here refer to six donuts side-by-side
in a dozen box.
QA76.5.L3224 1993
A Scientist's and Engineer's Guide to Workstations, Supercomputers
and Donuts.
Landau, Rubin H.; Fink, Paul J., Jr.
Wiley
1993
Comments:2/3 of the book is uninteresting, but the 3rd part
is exceptional.
QA76.62.N54 1992
Two-Level Functional Languages
Nielson, Flemming; Nielson, Hanne Riis
Cambridge University Press
1992
Comments:A less interesting sequel to `Seven-Level Cake Languages.'
(why do I get the feeling that Donna is going to revoke my
borrowing privileges =-} )
-the Donut Czar
[for those of you who are new to the department,
or have trouble with long term memory (or both)
at 3pm on most fridays grad students meet in
the Pit (near the faculty offices) and eat donuts,
drink soda (pop) and COMPLAIN (All except the last are
optional.)]
("Would you believe...."-Maxwell Smart)
It's donut day!
The information content of donut hour posts is fast approaching 0.
Over joke quota on /home/stufs2, remove 3 jokes within 5.2 days
Today's donut hour will take place in The Pit (as usual) at 3pm
Our hosts today are Wai-Hong and Maurice
Thanx for signing up =-}.
The sign up sheet for this semester is up
Sign up now to host a donut hour (on Prof.
Skiena's door) (sign up on the door, not host the
donut hour on the door.)
In honor of April 15th I wanted to include
a tax joke, but it would seem that
`tax joke' is an oxymoron.
Frequently asked donut related tax questions:
DISCLAMER:The tax advice dispensed here is not intended as serious
tax advice. For true tax questions call the I.R.S. (
or save a step and flip a coin.) If anyone knows of someone who
takes this advice seriously please e-mail their phone number
to me-I have this bridge.........
1)Question: If I host a donut hour can I
deduct donut hour expenses?
Answer: This is purely hypothetical, since
no-one seems to host donut hours but...
if you are self employed and rely on
any of the systems staff for your
business you can deduct a percentage
of the expenses corresponding to the
donut intake of the system's staff
(currently 76.3%)(please don't remove
my account =-)
2)Question: A previous donut Csar keeps spilling
things on me during donut hour. Can
I deduct cleaning expenses?
Answer: This is an invitation to get audited as
the IRS knows that graduate students never
wash their clothes.
3)Question: My country has a donut tax treaty with the U.S.,
what does this mean?
Answer: This only relates to the form of your refund and
filling method. You should file at your nearest
H & R Dunkin tax office and use their rapid
refund program. Remember to file on a friday
so that we can all share in your good fortune.
[this space intentionally left blank]
[this space accidently left blank]
-the Donut Czar
TALK 1:
Todays Donut seminar tItle is:
Donuts and P-Completeness (pastry completeness)
This talk will consist of a proof that donuts are P-Complete in two parts
(the talk, not the donuts)
1)proof that donuts are in the class pastry.
2)reduction of other pastry to donuts (by the grind 'em up and
mix 'em in method)
TALK 2:
Todays Donut seminar title is:
Temporal considerations in Donuts:
This talk will be concerned with cycles: It is based on two
"sayings of the Sages":
1)The saying of the Great Sage of Donuts who said:
Time to make the Donuts-I made the donuts.
2)My friend Ron who said:
Lets get some donuts and some Harleys and ride.
TALK 3:
Todays Donut seminar title is:
Donut Holes:is there something missing in our lives
given by: Rev Duncan Donut.
TALK 4:
Todays Donut seminar title is:
Suseptability of Circular Pastry products to liquid induced stress
fracturing and preventive measures and tecniques.
(i.e. How to dip your donut without getting crumbs in your coffee)
TALK 5:
Todays Donut seminar title is:
A career in law enforcement:Taking reports and eating Donuts.
given by: P. Safety
TALK 6:
Todays Donut seminar title is:
Temporal distortions and the Dunkin Donut's guy:was the Enterprise
or the Tardis responsible when he met himself??
TALK 6:
Todays Donut seminar title is:
Temporal distortions and the Dunkin Donut's guy:
Who was responsible when he met himself ("time to make the
donuts "," I made the donuts")
The current Tardis and Enterprise theories will be discussed
as well as the latest custard/brain sucking alien hypothesis.
TALK 7:
Today on Geraldo:
People who eat Donuts, but don't sign up to host donut hours
(and the men and woman who love them.)
TALK 8:
Today's forecast:
Cold (soda) with Donuts and some Accumulation of Flakes toward the
afternoon. Chance of Jelly and/or Custard (if we can stand it)(ouch).
TALK 9:
In Honor of the rhyming names of our hosts,
Todays Donut seminar will be discussing the poetry of Ogden Nash:
Some Examples:
1)
Candy is Dandy
But Liquor is Quicker
[But Donuts taste better]
2)
The cow is of the bovine ilk,
one end is moo, the other milk.
[the third end (near prof. Starks office) soda and O.J.]
3)
The donut is of the pastry ilk,
one end is....is...hey, it has no ends!!!!
TALK 10:
This is a chain donut letter. Host a donut hour and pass
it on to your friend. Steve Skeina Hosted a donut hour and
got a Naval award.
TALK 11:
........
Backtracking of partially evaluated Donuts
TALK 12:
Todays Donut seminar tItle is:
Theoretical computer science and donuts:
some recent problems and news:
1) The famous dining on donuts philosphers problem was solved
recently when a researcher realized that the philosphers could
eat the donuts with their hands.
2) Traveling policeman problem:
Given a set of donut shops in a precinct, visit
each while minimizing the amoount of time near a police radio
or in harms way (i.e. in the car)
3) Donut box packing problem.